In the hustle and bustle of life, it can feel impossible to slow down and focus on the present moment. When that present moment is something as vulnerable and intimacy-filled as sex, this can often make slowing down even more difficult. One of the things I work with my sex therapy clients to do is to incorporate different mindfulness practices into their daily routines, including their sexual lives. Adding mindfulness practices into sexual encounters can profoundly enhance their connection with themselves and their partners, leading to greater pleasure, intimacy, and satisfaction. Keep reading to find out what some of these practices are!
1. Focusing on Sensory Awareness:
Mindful sex begins with cultivating awareness of all senses. I encourage my clients to slow down and pay attention to the sensations of touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound during sexual activity. Focusing on the feel of skin, the taste of kisses, the scent of arousal, the beauty of your partner’s body, and the sound of breath and moans can all be a part of this. By immersing yourself fully in the sensory experience, you can shut off the outside noise and become aware of what is happening in the moment.
2. Breath Awareness and Syncing:
The breath is a powerful tool for enhancing mindfulness and connecting with the present moment. First and foremost, slowing down breathing helps lower anxiety about new situations or ones that provoke intense vulnerability. Slow breathing helps the heart slow down to a regular pace, lowering the typical “flight or fight” response that can come from new experiences.
Another fun way to use breath is to practice synchronized breathing with your partner during sex, where you match their inhales and exhales. This synchronized breathing not only fosters a deeper connection between partners but also helps regulate arousal levels and prolongs sexual pleasure. It may end up with both of you in laughter the first few times, and that’s okay! Laughter is still connected, and the goal of this exercise is achieved.
3. Non-judgmental Presence:
It is crucial to approach sexual experiences with an attitude of non-judgmental acceptance. Everyone comes to sex with pre-conceived notions of what an experience will entail, but being open to new things is essential for the overall experience to improve. New does not have to mean scary; new also does not mean something wrong. By letting go of expectations and embracing the present moment with an open mind and heart, you can experience greater freedom and authenticity in your sexual encounters.
4. Mindful Touch and Sensual Exploration:
Mindful touch during sex is also important as you explore new things and techniques within your sexual connection. Focusing on the quality and intention behind each caress and stroke and watching your partner’s reaction can help both of you develop curiosity with each other. Experiment with different sensations, pressures, and movements, and communicate openly with your partner about what feels pleasurable. These touches can range from massage and feather-light touches to more aggressive styles of sexual play. The goal is to learn more about yourself and your partner through these experiences in mutually consenting and pleasurable ways.
5. Post-Sex Reflection and Gratitude:
After sex, it is important to take time to reflect on things you liked and didn’t like and the connection you have with your partner at that moment. This can be a time to express appreciation for the overall experience in a specific act or detail and continuing light touches if both individuals can handle that continued sensory experience. Cuddling, eye gazing, or just a simple conversation about what happened can cultivate a stronger connection and improve the emotional bond.
Mindfulness practices offer a powerful pathway to deeper intimacy, connection, and pleasure in sexual relationships. By integrating mindfulness into your sexual experiences, you can cultivate a greater sense of presence, awareness, and satisfaction, enriching both your sex life and overall well-being.
Are you interested in working with a therapist to improve your sexual connection and confidence? Reach out today to schedule your first session!