The holiday season is here – which means a lot of family time and heightened levels of stress. Between logistics for get-togethers, trying to figure out who’s cooking what, and of course – navigating uncomfortable conversations with family members we don’t see regularly. One topic that I constantly encounter is:
“Amy, when will you FINALLY have kids?”
As someone who is childfree by choice, it can become overwhelming and anxiety-provoking trying to respond to the question on-the-spot, without constantly feeling like I have to defend a choice that is right for me. Over the years, I’ve found that having some prepared canned responses can help ease my anxiety (and sometimes downright frustration) when I feel as though I have to explain myself for making a decision that feels right for me. I want to share a few tips I’ve learned along the way:
Be Honest:
- “I’ve chosen not to have children, and I’m content with that decision.”
- “It hasn’t happened for us yet, and we’re okay with that.”
Express Your Feelings:
- “It’s a personal matter, and I’d appreciate it if we could talk about something else.”
- “I’m focusing on other aspects of my life right now.”
Provide a Gentle Deflection:
- “Let’s not dwell on this topic; it’s not the only measure of happiness or fulfillment.”
- “I’d rather talk about something positive and exciting happening in my life.”
Educate and Raise Awareness:
- “Not everyone can or wants to have children, and that’s a choice people should respect.”
- “There are many paths to happiness and fulfillment in life, and not having children is one of them.”
Set Boundaries:
- “I’d rather keep my personal decisions private. Can we talk about something else?”
- “This is a topic I’m not comfortable discussing. Can we change the subject of this conversation?”
Use Humor:
- “No thanks, I’m trying to reduce my trauma footprint!”
- “I do have kids – they’re just covered in fur!”
Share Your Future Plans:
- “We’re considering starting a family, but we want to be fully prepared when we do.”
- “We’re exploring various options for family planning, but we’re not in a hurry.”
Remember, setting boundaries when discussing personal matters like family planning is perfectly acceptable. You don’t owe anyone an explanation; you should feel comfortable deciding how much or how little to share.
If you’re still feeling anxious, talking through it with a licensed professional can be extremely helpful. Reach out to our office for a free 15-minute consultation and we’ll match you with a counselor who can support you!