When we think about human rights, many things may come to mind, but would an excellent sex life be one of them? In 2010 the World Health Organization proposed that a fulfilling sexual life should be considered a human right of every person.
Does this surprise you? Feel validating? Does it make you wish things were better in this area of your life?
Many people go through their whole lives not ever having experienced fantastic sex. They see it as a part of their life but not something to crave. Or maybe you hear your friends talk about their amazing sex life, but what they describe doesn’t sound appealing.
Truly fantastic sex isn’t a standard “one size fits all” recipe of positions, techniques, and timings. Fulfilling sex starts with a few simple things customized to your needs and then communicated with your partner as you work and grow together.
Trust
The key to all fulfilling connections is the key element of trust and vulnerability. This trust can look a wide variety of ways depending on the context of the relationship. You don’t have to be with someone forever and trust them implicitly before having mind-blowing intimacy. However, the key here is ensuring that the level of trust matches your level of activity with the person. If you want deep, connecting sex, then deep, connecting vulnerability is necessary.
Can you tell them something you like without fear of them mocking it?
Are you scared they will get angry and leave if you give feedback about something you don’t like?
Do you trust each other outside of the bedroom?
Do you trust them to honor their agreements regarding safe and healthy sexual practices?
If any of these answers are a no, I encourage you to start here before trying out a new game or position. Without trust in the relationship, the recipe for fulfilling sex can quickly fall apart.
Communication
In most research about positive sexual experiences, strong communication is a critical component that comes up repeatedly, and for a good reason! Communication is the outpouring and demonstration of connection, trust, and navigating growth together. Communication though, is a three-part skill. First, you must know what you want to communicate, learn how to communicate it with your partner best, and finally, understand how to listen and receive what your partner shares.
Separating these steps is essential to help you figure out where communication is breaking down and where to put the intentional work into learning how to accomplish that step. Again, communication is a skill to practice, not something you will innately know without work.
Experimentation
Lastly, there is the fun part of experimenting with new things! This is where you get to build off the trust in the first step, which allows you to be curious about your desires, likes, and dislikes. In the second, you develop skills in communicating those desires, and now you can put it all into practice! I use the word “practice” intentionally here because it’s accurate! Sex is also a skill that combines all these parts to make something magical, but only with effort and work.
If you find yourself stuck at any of these steps, contact us today to work a therapist trained in sex therapy to help YOU achieve the best sexual experiences of your life!